And Now We Are Two

In which the Grand Commonwealth celebrates its second birthday, and is revealed to be a noble hippopotamus.

Yesterday (Saturday 28th) saw the erstwhile Grand Commonwealth celebrated the first two years of its fabled existence, thus confounding the beliefs of a well-known minority who have long professed that it was dead, and consequently are now rather disappointed and seeking counselling for the withdrawal of their much-cherished belief-system.

The anniversary event consisted of a well-attended but low-key ceremony, during which His Majesty Tahmaseb Abakhtari, the Shahan-Ri, delivered the following rallying speech:

"One could begin to babble endlessly how great and mighty we all are, but we all know that. Instead I plan to talk about something completely different: hippos.

"The noble hippopotamus is a remarkable beast. It is mostly docile and likes to stay in the water in groups. It is a vegetarian but its teeth are very suitable for combat. When two hippopotami fight death is an option. Hippos are buoyant when young but not anymore when they grow up which means adults can't swim. They can stay submerged about five minutes while walking on the bottom of the river/lake.

"We are much like the hippos. We have grown up and are not buoyant anymore. To keep breathing we must be active and not just dose off while floating. We might be nice but can be dangerous if cornered. Hippos are docile but then again they are an endangered species. Perhaps we shouldn't be like the hippos?

"Therefore I invite everyone to think what kind of an animal we should be. This is a task that might seem ridiculous and childish at first but I ask you to think about it. This is about change which is essential in every community. Stagnation leads to death. Therefore it is your duty to commit yourselves to progress.

"This has been a great two-year fable so far. Let's make it even better!"

The New Novaya Zemlya: Home to Soviet History, Vodka, and Radiation Therapy

The Soviet Republic of Novaya Zemlya has started its umpteenth lease of life following the unexpected return of Dominika Tchesnova, widow of the late Vladimir Alexei.

Dominika Tchesnova, who just been appointed as the latest Premier, has promised to revive Novaya Zemlya in "some manner of archival state", and already added to the growing collection of historical documents several items including an extended history, promotional banners, artwork and the state coat of arms. It has been hinted that the famous vodka distillery may be re-opened in the near future, and that a special spa may be opened to harness the high levels of radiation for therapeutic uses.

Novaya Zemlya, which has been protected by the Grand Commonwealth since August 2005, started life in October 2004 as a top secret testing site for the USSR micronation founded by Yuri V Andropov. Within a month it had been transformed into an internationally popular cultural enclave, and was granted a new status of a Soviet Socialist Republic in November of that year. By the end of 2004 the parent USSR had been dissolved following the climax of an escalating series of political crises and scandals, so the surviving Novaya Zemlya was declared its successor.

Following a golden age in early 2005, its very existence was threatened firstly by the infamous EzApocalypse which destroyed much of its forum, and secondly a conversion from socialism to communism that encouraged the emigration of most of its population and brought about months of inactivity, which led to its being protected by the Grand Commonwealth. Several months later most of the founders had returned and attempted a revival, but the untimely death of Vladimir Alexei resulted in a period of mourning that turned into another mass exodus.

The final nail in the coffin was the mysterious deletion of its boards in July 2006, although a surprising number of records were recovered and stored in a new board provided by the Grand Commonwealth, where the new Novaya Zemlya remains based.

Oscland Joins The Grand Commonwealth

The Confederate Kingdoms of Oscland became the eighth and newest micronation to join the Grand Commonwealth since the latter's inception two years ago, when it was ceremoniously welcomed in on Monday.

Sir Marc Evans, Oscland's Chancellor of Valuta, is now the Chancellor of the Exchequer, while King Oscar Direzione II is the new Chancellor of State.

Sir Marc, in expressing his thanks to the Grand Commonwealth for admitting Oscland, said: "Oscland is changing and we want to make it better than ever and there could not be a better time to join the Grand Commonwealth as we continue to look for ways to contribute to the micronational community."

Opinion: The Hypocracies of Hanover

In which His Majesty Osman Shahanshah of the Kingdom of Babkha casts his eye over the public workings of Hanover and finds no redeeming features whatsoever.

While Hanover denounces simulationist micronations, its very own Prime Minister proposed to the 'Imperial Parliament' the establishment of a simulated economy and health care system, an example of joined-up government which drew a scathing response from the honourable Sir Carson Smith, who was quite surprised to find himself sitting in an Imperial Parliament when he had most certainly entered a House of Lords and Commons Together Assembled.

This incongruity being thus highlighted drew the sheepish admission from Prime Minister Portela that he had in fact copied most of the speech from one made to the 'Imperial Parliament' of the Empire of the Alexandrians, a simulationist micronation over which the Prime Minister of Hanover presides as Emperor.

None of this impressed Sir Carson, who remarked that "Copying speeches, regardless of who wrote them originally, is only going to make you look stupid. The Right Honorable gentleman still is not off the hook for the Imperial Parliament goof-up."

Hanoverians, it seems, are maybe starting to wonder about the comparative merits of allowing confessed simulationists attain the hallowed office of Prime Minister. More worryingly for Hanover it is perhaps the dearth of native talent that is forcing King Alexander to rely on imported potentates to provide his public officials, such as the current Prime Minister of Hanover, Mr Portela, his predecessor Mr Thompson, and the Speaker of the Assembled House, a certain Mr Dreesbach who happens to be the King of Interland, the sometimes disputed GC member-state and or Atteran province.

The Hanoverian delusion of sovereignty and nationhood does not so much place them on a par with Ascalon as with the myriad egostans of the 5th World Council led by the transcendental, or perhaps just plain mental, Cesidio Tallini.

- His Majesty Osman Shahanshah

Bergen Abandoned? Elephants In the Room!

BERGEN, HANOVER - The much-trumpeted Bergen Conference in Hanover appears to have been mysteriously abandoned by both its chairman and its royal host, leaving attending delegates alternatively bemused and frustrated.

Delegates were left wondering whether the conference was in recess, moved to another medium, or if people had simply lost interest "in a flawed concept". And indeed, the delegates from one attending nation, the Grand Commonwealth, have withdrawn in protest at the stalled discussions.

Of the three issues being discussed, the delegates have shown little interest in either establishing co-ordinated efforts to preserve micronational history, or in agreeing on any form of economic unity. The third issue, a merger-that-isn't-really-but-is-actually (the "Union of Anglia"), has made some progress, although a considerably less-bureaucratic and actually workable version of it has already been in existence for almost two years elsewhere.

Meanwhile, during the current hiatus, the Cyberian issue has been raised and described as "the elephant in the room" by President Jacobus of the FRC. However, the topic seems more likely to scare away the remaining delegates rather encourage them to stay on in the rather glaring absence of any leadership.

Only one question remains - if Hanover can't cope with holding a simple international conference, then what chance does it have of successfully creating a "loose" confederation such as the proposed Union of Anglia?

Micronations.Net - Fifth Anniversary!

Micronations.Net has today celebrated its fifth anniversary with a complete redesign and relaunch of its website and related services.

Started in 2002 as a long overdue replacement for the old Micronations Today Ezboard, the MNN forum has evolved from providing its original forum-based news service to a micronational hub, with a strong community of members and a wide variety of organisations offering their services. The Micronational News Network feed service has expanded over the past years, and has now been updated to provide a more streamlined service.

Along with moving to the new SMF forum system in recent months, Micronations.Net has also launched a number of new services to make it a complete hub of services for micronationalists, including a new sports forum, the Arena. Complementing the forums and news system are the rescued and restored MicroWiki (the Micronational Encyclopedia) and the Directory of Nations - recreating the most comprehensive list of micronations.

Congratulations to Micronations.Net and to everyone involved over the years.

Opinion: Beware Bergen's Revisionists of History

In which His Majesty Osman Shahanshah of the Kingdom of Babkha deplores recent attempts to rewrite the past and fondly reminisces about a golden age of micronationalism.

The President of that entity which refers to itself as the Federal Republic of Cyberia, but which we all know to be the latest manifestation of Jacobus' near decade-long smear-campaign against the legitimate Virtual Commonwealth of Cyberia, did voice, at the Bergen Conference, an aside concerning the complex diplomatic situation that occurred in Morovia during the winter of 2001-2002:

"Does anyone remember the machinations carried out at the expense of Morovia? The infant Republic would not have had to kow-tow to Babkha for protection against the giant that was Tymaria, or accept the restoration of a monarchy they did not want."

In doing so, he did repeat a version of history as the Digas and Scott Alexanders of this world would have it, that either the Babkhans (as ever it seems) were entirely to blame or else both sides were as bad as the other. This is blatant poppycock.

When news of the demise of King Vincent's Kingdom reached the halls of Babak the Great it was my honour to be sent to make a reconnaissance of the failed state. The great tragedy of the Morovian forums in the absence of any meaningful central authority was that it was so badly structured and insecure that anyone could pretend to be anyone (as indeed we saw with the Tyrant Diga's lamentable attempt to pass himself off as 'King Vincent IV'.

Now, in the milieu by which we were confronted, many forces were clearly at work, including various scavengers of legitimacy not entirely unfamiliar to President Jacobus himself. Then of course there were the Tymarians who were looking there because we were there and there were some scuffles provoked on their part by the militarist Atteran desire to spark a wider war between the Kingdom of Babkha and Tymaria. The Atterans were at that time effectively the military wing of Tymaria, accounting for little aside from bellicosity. It was all in all a most wretched scene.

However, from amongst all the ruined edifices of Morovia there was at least found one gleaming gem, and that gem was not the Republic of Morovia, but rather Bob Kee, a Malaysian political activist of character and distinction, and of rare organisational ability. It was he alone who held the head of the 'infant Republic' above water. It was he alone who gave it grace and dignity, and it was his common sense and competence that above all else recommended him to us as the one coherent voice amongst the cacophony there.

Indeed there again, such was his good judgement and plain common sense that he and Shah Babak had an immediate meeting of minds. From thereon, a fruitful policy of engagement was born, marred only by the ham-fisted efforts of Tymarian Military Intelligence to infiltrate the Republic. The Republic, however, was illegitimate and it was Bob Kee's insistence rather than our own that led to that country returning to the honourable institution of monarchy.

Regrettably the true King Vincent was not to be found and Diga's manifestation as 'King Vincent IV' was contemptable. At a loss then, Mr Kee arranged to have the President crown as King in the interim, however long that should be. As such, Morovia rose in the estimation of all nations, save for Tymaria and those other petulant spirits who had been cheated of their mischief by the end to the chaos.

In the end, of course, it was all to end happily. Diga's antics in Morovia had come to the attention of the true King Vincent, apparently the third of that name, and happy was the occasion of his restoration.

In the end both Kingdoms benefitted and no true Morovian ever lost out from the restoration. Indeed Bob Kee also went on to become Abbas Namvari of Babkha, and in that capacity was to usher in almost single-handedly one of the most glorious chapters in that nation's history - the faint echo of which we still hear today in the Abbas Namvari-Charles Beard FNORD award.

- His Majesty Osman Shahanshah

Spy Spooks Bergen Conference

BERGEN, HANOVER - The Apollo Inquisitor can exclusively reveal that Bergen Conference delegate Slavko Militz is not quite who appears to be.

We can reveal that he is actually maladroit statesman Neil Spall, who appears to have founded a dummy nation, Vlatava, for the sole purpose of providing a seemingly legitimate cover for infiltrating the Bergen conference as an potential agitator and possible spy.

Spall was recently described by an anonymous source as a "perpetual dissenter who passed through the gut of Lyrica and found a new cause in Rocentia as a Hickeyist running dog, before becoming a mild irritant and ne'er do well in Treithar".

The Norton NewsBlink: Awards, Abdications and Sealand

It's been an Emperor Norton Day to remember this year, with all sorts of interesting things happening...

Some Awards
As is the custom on this day, the FNORD Awards were presented in the Norton Lounge, this year by Sander Dieleman of Lemuria. As usual lots of people won various medals, while even more didn't, but that's just how such things go.

This year is the 127th anniversary of Emperor Norton's untimely death, and the fourth anniversary of the FNORDs themselves, which were created by the omnipotent Scott Alexander of many, many places as an alternative to the original Norton Awards, which seem unfortunately to have been carelessly forgotten about this year.

And then for those of you like less serious awards, you might like to check out the first ever Paper Plate Awards...

... and an Abidication
Shireroth's Kaiseress Carol abdicated today in favour of her daughter, Hypatia. Clearly disappointed at the lack of general support by most of the populace for keeping the nation going, she ended her remarkable reign with a mercifully brief yet moving speech which promised a great renaissance in the hands of the new Kaiseress.

Other than the Royal Family and President Jacobus of the FRC, we think that two ordinary Shirerithians attended the ceremony, which is probably some kind of record.

... and then there's Sealand...
which is offered now for sale, or for rent, depending on who you want to believe, as long as you have many millions of something to pay for it. NewsNow has lots of reports in many tongues, so read them while you can, before everyone gets bored and finds something else to waffle about.

And finally...
Someone from NationStates has joined the Grand Commonwealth's Babkha. In return, the Shah , who has long bound himself to join NationStates in return, will finally discover a place that's worse than the infamous salt mines...

NewsBlinks: blink and you'll miss 'em ^MTM