Opinion: The Hypocracies of Hanover

In which His Majesty Osman Shahanshah of the Kingdom of Babkha casts his eye over the public workings of Hanover and finds no redeeming features whatsoever.

While Hanover denounces simulationist micronations, its very own Prime Minister proposed to the 'Imperial Parliament' the establishment of a simulated economy and health care system, an example of joined-up government which drew a scathing response from the honourable Sir Carson Smith, who was quite surprised to find himself sitting in an Imperial Parliament when he had most certainly entered a House of Lords and Commons Together Assembled.

This incongruity being thus highlighted drew the sheepish admission from Prime Minister Portela that he had in fact copied most of the speech from one made to the 'Imperial Parliament' of the Empire of the Alexandrians, a simulationist micronation over which the Prime Minister of Hanover presides as Emperor.

None of this impressed Sir Carson, who remarked that "Copying speeches, regardless of who wrote them originally, is only going to make you look stupid. The Right Honorable gentleman still is not off the hook for the Imperial Parliament goof-up."

Hanoverians, it seems, are maybe starting to wonder about the comparative merits of allowing confessed simulationists attain the hallowed office of Prime Minister. More worryingly for Hanover it is perhaps the dearth of native talent that is forcing King Alexander to rely on imported potentates to provide his public officials, such as the current Prime Minister of Hanover, Mr Portela, his predecessor Mr Thompson, and the Speaker of the Assembled House, a certain Mr Dreesbach who happens to be the King of Interland, the sometimes disputed GC member-state and or Atteran province.

The Hanoverian delusion of sovereignty and nationhood does not so much place them on a par with Ascalon as with the myriad egostans of the 5th World Council led by the transcendental, or perhaps just plain mental, Cesidio Tallini.

- His Majesty Osman Shahanshah

Bergen Abandoned? Elephants In the Room!

BERGEN, HANOVER - The much-trumpeted Bergen Conference in Hanover appears to have been mysteriously abandoned by both its chairman and its royal host, leaving attending delegates alternatively bemused and frustrated.

Delegates were left wondering whether the conference was in recess, moved to another medium, or if people had simply lost interest "in a flawed concept". And indeed, the delegates from one attending nation, the Grand Commonwealth, have withdrawn in protest at the stalled discussions.

Of the three issues being discussed, the delegates have shown little interest in either establishing co-ordinated efforts to preserve micronational history, or in agreeing on any form of economic unity. The third issue, a merger-that-isn't-really-but-is-actually (the "Union of Anglia"), has made some progress, although a considerably less-bureaucratic and actually workable version of it has already been in existence for almost two years elsewhere.

Meanwhile, during the current hiatus, the Cyberian issue has been raised and described as "the elephant in the room" by President Jacobus of the FRC. However, the topic seems more likely to scare away the remaining delegates rather encourage them to stay on in the rather glaring absence of any leadership.

Only one question remains - if Hanover can't cope with holding a simple international conference, then what chance does it have of successfully creating a "loose" confederation such as the proposed Union of Anglia?

Opinion: Beware Bergen's Revisionists of History

In which His Majesty Osman Shahanshah of the Kingdom of Babkha deplores recent attempts to rewrite the past and fondly reminisces about a golden age of micronationalism.

The President of that entity which refers to itself as the Federal Republic of Cyberia, but which we all know to be the latest manifestation of Jacobus' near decade-long smear-campaign against the legitimate Virtual Commonwealth of Cyberia, did voice, at the Bergen Conference, an aside concerning the complex diplomatic situation that occurred in Morovia during the winter of 2001-2002:

"Does anyone remember the machinations carried out at the expense of Morovia? The infant Republic would not have had to kow-tow to Babkha for protection against the giant that was Tymaria, or accept the restoration of a monarchy they did not want."

In doing so, he did repeat a version of history as the Digas and Scott Alexanders of this world would have it, that either the Babkhans (as ever it seems) were entirely to blame or else both sides were as bad as the other. This is blatant poppycock.

When news of the demise of King Vincent's Kingdom reached the halls of Babak the Great it was my honour to be sent to make a reconnaissance of the failed state. The great tragedy of the Morovian forums in the absence of any meaningful central authority was that it was so badly structured and insecure that anyone could pretend to be anyone (as indeed we saw with the Tyrant Diga's lamentable attempt to pass himself off as 'King Vincent IV'.

Now, in the milieu by which we were confronted, many forces were clearly at work, including various scavengers of legitimacy not entirely unfamiliar to President Jacobus himself. Then of course there were the Tymarians who were looking there because we were there and there were some scuffles provoked on their part by the militarist Atteran desire to spark a wider war between the Kingdom of Babkha and Tymaria. The Atterans were at that time effectively the military wing of Tymaria, accounting for little aside from bellicosity. It was all in all a most wretched scene.

However, from amongst all the ruined edifices of Morovia there was at least found one gleaming gem, and that gem was not the Republic of Morovia, but rather Bob Kee, a Malaysian political activist of character and distinction, and of rare organisational ability. It was he alone who held the head of the 'infant Republic' above water. It was he alone who gave it grace and dignity, and it was his common sense and competence that above all else recommended him to us as the one coherent voice amongst the cacophony there.

Indeed there again, such was his good judgement and plain common sense that he and Shah Babak had an immediate meeting of minds. From thereon, a fruitful policy of engagement was born, marred only by the ham-fisted efforts of Tymarian Military Intelligence to infiltrate the Republic. The Republic, however, was illegitimate and it was Bob Kee's insistence rather than our own that led to that country returning to the honourable institution of monarchy.

Regrettably the true King Vincent was not to be found and Diga's manifestation as 'King Vincent IV' was contemptable. At a loss then, Mr Kee arranged to have the President crown as King in the interim, however long that should be. As such, Morovia rose in the estimation of all nations, save for Tymaria and those other petulant spirits who had been cheated of their mischief by the end to the chaos.

In the end, of course, it was all to end happily. Diga's antics in Morovia had come to the attention of the true King Vincent, apparently the third of that name, and happy was the occasion of his restoration.

In the end both Kingdoms benefitted and no true Morovian ever lost out from the restoration. Indeed Bob Kee also went on to become Abbas Namvari of Babkha, and in that capacity was to usher in almost single-handedly one of the most glorious chapters in that nation's history - the faint echo of which we still hear today in the Abbas Namvari-Charles Beard FNORD award.

- His Majesty Osman Shahanshah

Spy Spooks Bergen Conference

BERGEN, HANOVER - The Apollo Inquisitor can exclusively reveal that Bergen Conference delegate Slavko Militz is not quite who appears to be.

We can reveal that he is actually maladroit statesman Neil Spall, who appears to have founded a dummy nation, Vlatava, for the sole purpose of providing a seemingly legitimate cover for infiltrating the Bergen conference as an potential agitator and possible spy.

Spall was recently described by an anonymous source as a "perpetual dissenter who passed through the gut of Lyrica and found a new cause in Rocentia as a Hickeyist running dog, before becoming a mild irritant and ne'er do well in Treithar".